All True Top 10 Inventions of All Time - Because Sliced Bread Ain't All That
Posted: Sunday, April 27, 2008
by Ben Morrish
http://alltruism.blogspot.com
When people are particularly impressed with a particular invention, they often say "wow, that's the best thing since sliced bread".
I've never understood this, as sliced bread really isn't that amazing when you think about it.
We've had bread for millennia , and knives too.
We can easily slice the old-fashioned non-sliced bread should we so wish - it doesn't require lengthy training or unusually advanced manual dexterity.
The only advantage humanity has gained from the invention of (pre) sliced bread is that we can now make sandwiches slightly faster.
Hardly earth-shattering I think you'll agree, unless you're a caterer or a parent who has to make sandwiches for a dozen kids each day (in which case you might want to learn more about the invention of contraception, see below).
Since sliced-bread is a distinctly disappointing invention, I will present 10 of the greatest inventions of all time, so as not to leave you with a cynical attitude to inventions in general.
1 - Sanitation - Specifically soft toilet paper , clean running water and flushable toilets. A world without these is just too unbearable to think about. Shudder. Bears may do it in the woods, but thankfully we can do it in the privacy of a locked room, with a scent of our choice in the air and maybe a newspaper too.
And we can clean up afterwards without having to first find a suitable bunch of leaves and then evict any lurking insects from them. Truly one of humanity's finest inventions!
2 - World of Warcraft - because male teen-aged loners need people skills too! Members of this demographic are statistically unlikely to venture out into the world until their twenties, however much you try and coerce them to.
But when they do finally get dragged kicking and screaming into the World Out There, they'll need people skills. How can they get these when they spend their formative years with minimal contact with people outside their immediate family?
World of Warcraft,
that's how! It may only be a virtual world, but the players are real
people, and they can talk to each other. Hell, they might even
encounter members of the opposite sex..truly a broadening of their
life-experience!There may be a few downsides when these WoW-raised chaps are released into the wild world, such as getting into trouble when they ask a new female colleague at the office if she wants to join up for a "5-man" later, but such minor problems are insignificant when compared to the social and organisational skills that can stealthily be ingrained in them through WoW.
3 - Effective contraception - because love is important, and like all important things, it needs to be made right.
A badly made car won't get you where you want to go. The same applies to badly made love.
Contraception (especially barrier methods which also protect from STDs) allows us to practice, without worrying too much about unwanted consequences. Practice makes perfect, and perfectly made love is groovy baby yeah!
As an added bonus in our over-crowded world, its good that we only bring new people in when we're ready and willing to make a good job of raising them.
4 - The Internet - because its good to share ideas. Even silly ones. Silly ones can then be shown to be silly, and we can keep the good ones (until a better one comes along of course!).
Also, it helps people communicate with others outside their normal groups, and might one day help us overcome our local and national prejudices and actually stand together for a better world. Super!
5 - Comfy chairs - in the days before we invented chairs (and stools, sofas etc) you had to either remain standing all the time, or sit on the ground, which in most places is bumpy, muddy or otherwise quite unpleasant.
You'll notice that in the popular picture of the ascent (actually the descent) of man, all our ape ancestors were standing and walking along.
Now we can stop all that nonsense and have a nice sit down in a comfy chair!And maybe a cup of tea as well. We can now do all of this whilst wearing clothes too!
That's what I call progress!
6 - Cups of tea - although the full power of tea to resolve any crisis and remove all stress seems to work only on the English (who can't function more than about 3 hours without a cup of this delightful infusion), tea is one of those things that is both healthy AND tasty.
Mmm, feel those anti-oxidants surging through your system!
When an Englishman comes back from a hard day at the office, he can relax in the knowledge that a nice cup of tea and a sit down will make it all better. If there's a biscuit with it, so much the better!7 - Cooking - this covers all kinds of food (and drink) preparation, from heating to mixing, blending and maybe even adding just a touch of lime.
Imagine if we could only eat truly natural food - that would give us raw meat, raw vegetables and raw fruit if you were lucky. All washed down with a nice sip of river water.
Unless you are a hard-core salad or sushi fanatic, this would be distinctly unpleasant!
Luckily
for us, we have access to the wonders of cooking - biscuits, cakes,
soups, pasta, roasted meat,cooked potatoes and all kinds of other good
things. Yummy!8 - Electricity - because its the closest we can get to magic. It makes almost everything in our modern world possible. If we want light, heat, music or interactive computer games, hey presto - flick a switch and there you have it, no effort (and only a modest fee) required. Its not magic, but it's not far off!
9 - The Discovery Channel - because there's just so much to learn about sharks and Nazis!
10 - Top 10s / Top 100s - these are a fantastic invention. For those who compile them, its a quick n easy way to make content, be it a tv show, a music chart or even an article on the Internet (cough).
For the viewers / listeners / readers, its a nice light piece of entertainment to while away a few minutes or hours. Winners all round! At least until they become recursive....eek!
Right, that's my Top 10 Inventions...now I've gotta grab a quick sarnie and run to catch a bus... thank goodness for sliced bread!
* Actually the Earl of Sandwich didn't invent the sandwich, but our name for it did come from his title.
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)hi ben, this was a wonderful artcle, not only was the content funny, and interestng, but the pictures were perfect. you are a comedian, with a quick wit. keep writing, and sharing with us, best regards, sue thom
Ben, Another funny article. However - ahem : bread was very hard to slice once upon a time. There were no preservatives added (back then) so it was meant to be eaten the same day it was made, and it was very, very soft and 'bendy'. By the second day, it was easier to cut but getting hard to eat, hence 'toast', and by the third day, it could chip a tooth! And toilet paper and flushable loos - yes, thank goodness for those. Growing up, we had a dunny (that's an outside dry pan which had to be emptied, ugh) and the youngest child always got the job of tearing newspaper into squares and threading it on string - better than using leaves, but only just! As the youngest, when I got that job, it lasted a long long time. Oh yes, the last statistic I heard on tea was that, per capita, Aussies actually drink more than you Poms! Go figure! tea hee Good read, youngster! Cheers, HannahEven soft bendy bread is easy to slice (if you don't mind having to pull the squashed slices back into shape anyway), its when you have a bendy breadknife that things get tricky ;-) I guess Aussies drink more tea because most of them are descended from the English (i.e. tea drinkers), and since its a bit warmer down there they need more fluid intake, and therefore more tea!
Thanks, Ben for an informative and fun article. I think soup placed into a bowl made of bread is a good thing. Of course, you have to wonder what they do with the bread they burrow out to make room for the soup. What will they think of next?
Ben,Great and funny article. Thanks for writing it. On a random note, I think the "That's the best thing since sliced bread" quote has evaded you and all of the people who responded to it. The point of the saying is to emphasize that whatever you're referring to is the best thing to come around in a SUPER LONG TIME. It is not implying that sliced bread is a great invention, or even something good. The reference of sliced bread is only a reference point of time. We've had sliced bread pretty much FOREVER, so, the phrase is equivalent to saying "That's the best thing since the beginning of time!" Apparently, many people get confused on this, and incorrectly think the phrase is saying "That's better than sliced bread!"Have a good one!Actually we've only had sliced bread for about 80 years.While people do generally use the phrase "the best thing since sliced bread" to indicate that some or other invention is "the best thing ever", they're actually using it wrongly if that is their intended meaning since it DOES imply that sliced bread is not only a very good invention, but a better one than the new invention they refer to."The popular use of the phrase derives from the fact that Wonder Bread, the first mass-marketer of sliced bread as a product, launched a 1930s ad campaign touting the innovation"Thus the phrase indicates acceptance that sliced bread is a truly brilliant invention, and implies that the new invention is not the best invention of all time, but only the best invention since the high point that was the invention of sliced bread.Ben,I just now read your response. I did not know about Wonderbread advertising. I googled the phrase "best thing since sliced bread," and it was interesting what I found on Wiki.I never considered that "sliced bread" in that phrase meant the PRODUCT, since it is pretty obvious that we've had knives and bread for a very long time. I took it more generally. From Wiki: The phrase "the greatest thing since sliced bread" (and variations thereof) is a commonly used hyperbolic means of praising an invention or development.This interpretation is different than mine in my previous post, but it makes total sense to me. Hyperbolic means that it isn't to be taken seriously or literally, but instead it is stated like that for effect. You likely already knew this, but I included it here for other readers that may not. However, your original article said you did not understand the phrase. Maybe that statement was hyperbolic??? Or has your knowledge expanded to a point of understanding (as mine has) on this subject as a result of this interaction?And my point was that the phrase doesn't really fit its use as a hyperbolic means of praising an invention since sliced bread isn't really all that great an invention in my opinion (although those who have to make a lot of sandwiches will likely have a different opinion on the matter!).The phrase is hyperbolic (exaggerated and not to be taken literally) in the same way that "I had to wait forever for the bus" is hyperbolic (exaggerated and not to be taken literally).The "forever" in that compares with the "since sliced bread", forever being an extremely long time, and sliced bread being, supposedly, an extremely brilliant invention.So the person didn't literally have to wait forever for the bus, and invention X isn't really so good as to be literally the best thing since sliced bread.But since sliced bread is a pretty unimpressive invention, the phrase doesn't work as a hyperbolic means of praising invention X.Of course, if you take the view that sliced bread really is a fantastically good invention then the phrase works just fine for giving inventions hyperbolic praise!Another example of hyperbolic praise would be the implication in many adverts that product X is "better than sex". If you think sex is great, then the implication is hyperbolic (its not literally better than sex, its an exaggeration), however if you think sex is rubbish and most products are better than it, then the "better than sex" implication loses its hyperbolic power.
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